The Comfort Zone

Food For Thought...

2004-10-27T12:19:00.000-05:00

About a week ago, Michelle gave an update about her trip to see a new doctor for her daughter, who has autism. So many of the things she mentioned about this appointment were so interesting, at least to me. My seven year old has physical/mental "difficulties", and we have had such a hard time getting help for her. She is currently in the second grade, reading at an (early) first grade level. She is on an IEP at school, and we are going through several (thousand) rounds of doctors at Children's Hospital. At home, we have such a hard time. She is angry, and sad, and just not easy to deal with alot of the time. She has serious meltdowns, over the smallest things.

But, in Michelle's post, she mentioned her doctor is having her "detox" her daughter due to alot of toxins present in her body. Things you just would never think about, people. Seriously. It was amazing. So, I started reading up on the internet, and talking to the doctors that are going to be working with us again in November. One of them mentioned The Feingold Program. He told me that alot of the patient's that he has worked with have had great success with this program. He gave me a little info, including their website.

So today, I have been reading this website. I am completely astonished at some of the things I am reading! Alot of what their program is about is sort of a "detox", or a test to see if "certain foods or food additives are triggering particular symptoms. It is basically the way people used to eat before "hyperactivity" became a household word, and before asthma and chronic ear infections became so very common. Used originally as a diet for allergies, improvement in behavior and attention was first noticed as a side effect."

It eliminates certain "toxins" found in food we eat everyday, such as Artificial (synthetic) coloring, Artificial (synthetic) flavoring, Aspartame (Nutrasweet, an artificial sweetener), Artificial (synthetic) preservatives BHA, BHT, TBHQ, that is believed to cause alot of things that alot of people are dealing with, not only with their children, but in themselves, as well.

Also, alot of these things are made with petroleum!!! As in the shit they use to make gasoline!!

I am definitly going to try this with the whole family, and see what happens. I hope that it has an effect, and if not, it won't hurt to stop my kids from eating effing petroleum. Can you believe that shit!!

I totally get it

2004-10-25T16:38:00.000-05:00

Congratulations! You are Susan Mayer, the divorcee
and single mom who will go to extraordinary
lengths for love.

Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Up late...

2004-10-24T00:46:00.000-05:00

I have had insomnia for so many years, I cannot remember the last, full good night's sleep I had. So my days are messed up to, because I wake up with a sleep hangover. It feels like I have been on a ten day drunk. And this is every day, people! Doesn't make for a very happy mommy, that is for sure.

When I logged on to my computer earlier today, I did what I always do. I checked the MSN homepage to see what kind of interesting things were happening in the world. Along with the ever popular opinions of Eminem on our Prez, and of course the college football updates, so was this little bit of complete insanity. Gives whole new meaning to having your house redecorated!

In other news, my friend S has been drilling me to watch this movie, Drumline. Now, I was never big on the band in High School. It was the cool thing to SAY you were going to the football game, and then sneak out with your friends, for fun that we won't talk about here. So, I wasn't into watching a movie that was about a band. But, in all my insomniac glory tonight, I found myself watching it. Now, I have to call her, and tell her she was right. This movie made me very happy, what with all the drums, and music, and dancing. (What, I couldn't help myself, there was awesome BAND music!!!) I was really missing out all those years ago, although I cannot imagine that my high school band was even half as good as the ones on this movie. Maybe that is why we never won a game. Hm.

So, if you haven't watched this movie, and you get all excited at the thought of a really good movie that even has music! and drums! and dancing! then you need to watch this movie. If you expect more dancing with this movie then you actually see, then hop on over to my house, and we will watch it together, and you will see it in all it's glory. I am a sucker for some music, and I am glad noone was awake at this ungodly hour to see me make a fool out of myself.

Sh*t, who am I kidding, they know me, they would not have been surprised!!!

Sisters

2004-10-20T13:54:00.000-05:00

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost...
~Marion C.Garretty

In my childhood years, my sister, as I have said in an earlier post, was my best friend. She was the only person I could look to for everything. I looked up to her, wished I could BE her. She literally took care of me, when I thought there was no way I would get out alive, she made everything a little easier. One day, she started to run away, and looking back, seeing me sitting up in that tree in our back yard crying my eyes out, she thought to herself, I cannot leave her alone, who will take care of her...

We were so close. And then we moved out of that house of terror, and slowly that changed. We became teenagers, and she didn't have to take care of me anymore...

If your sister is in a tearing hurry to go out and cannot catch your eye, she's wearing your best sweater..
~Pam Brown~

My sister and I started to fight, we never got along. She was "the perfect one", good grades, all the friends, everyone liked her the best, and she told on me for everything. We had fist fights, we yelled nasty things at each other, stole each other's clothes, and I stole (and broke) her favorite ear rings. We were each others worst enemies. We grew farther and farther apart.

They fall in and out ten times a day, just as if they were married
~Oliver Goldsmith~

She moved to Colorado after graduation, and I had a baby. Then she was pregnant, and a few weeks later she moved back. And I found out I was pregnant with my second child. Our children are three weeks apart. At this time, we were still not real close. She was there for me through a lot of things, but I just saw it as her being nosy, telling me what to do, etc.

There's something beautiful about finding one's innermost thought in another..
~Olive Schreiner~

There came a time in my life that I wanted..needed to fix the relationships within my life. The most important relationship was the one with my sister. The more I tried, the more I saw things I never ever realized. My sister was not perfect. She had insecurities, and wants and needs that had never been met, just like I did. It was hard for me to let my guard down, and realize that I had been mean, and that I had totally overlooked who my sister really was, and to let go of it all, especially the jealousy. That is what it all boiled down to. I had been very jealous, and now it was time to let that go.

And then I realized all the things we had missed in each others lives. My sister was still the same person inside, she had just evolved, and grown. We were both adults, meeting our sisters again, but it was all new.

No matter the problem, the pain, the years that pass, sisters will always be there...
~Stuart Macfarlane~

We are closer now then I think we have ever been. My sister is one of my best friends, she is also a great aunt. She is one of the best mothers I have ever met. She is funny, and beautiful (inside and out), she makes me laugh, sometimes so hard I cry. We call each other just to talk, sometimes about important things, sometimes for nothing at all. For once, she doesnt have to take care of me, we take care of each other. She is one of the most outgoing people I know. She takes chances most people wouldn't even dream of. These are just a few of the things that I love and admire about her.

The desire to be and have a sister is a primitive and profound one..It is a desire to know and be known by someone who shares blood and body, history and dreams, common ground and the unknown adventures of the future, darkest secrets, and the glassiest beads of truth...
~Elizabeth Fishel~

For once, I am in no way jealous of her, I am just so damn proud to be able to call her my sister.

Thank you, A, for being there for me through everything, even when I didn't realize that you were.You inspire me to be the best that I can. I love you with all of my heart, and no matter what happens, PLEASE know I am here for you, even when you think you are alone.

My sister taught me everything I need to know
~Linda Sunshine!

Hey, you, go hug your sister!!!!!

Learning New Things

2004-10-14T00:40:00.000-05:00

I have to admit something. There is a lot of things that I know nothing about. Important things. I am not posting this entry to piss anyone off, so if your reading this, understand, this post is about me asking opinions, not to be yelled at, or whatever.

I grew up in a home that politics was never brought up. We never talked about religion, or went to church. We didn't have company over, and I don't have any nice stories to tell about my childhood.

unfortunately, I did not register to vote this year. I wanted to, for the first time. I have never voted before, and really never felt the need. But that has changed now. But, I have a problem. I wouldn't know which candidate to vote for even if I had registered. I don't know the difference between Republican or Democrat. Left wing? What the heck does that mean???

I have listened to some of the debates between Bush and Kerry. To be honest, the thing that immediately comes to mind when I think of any election is the attacks that go on between the people running against each other, and it drives me nuts!!! How do people deal with this?

I want to decide which is which. I haven't come away with a clear view of what they stand for, either of them. How do you decide who to vote for? How do you decide to become Republican/Democrat? I know this may seem so stupid, but I really do want to know. I am not asking anyone to tell me who they are going to vote for, per se. If you feel like it, share with me the stories you may remember of your family, did you discuss politics? Can you give me a heads up on what exactly should be a deciding factor when you vote? Can you tell me I'm really not the most ignorant person in the world?

Heh. Don't answer that one...

Rest In Peace, Christopher Reeve

2004-10-11T17:15:00.000-05:00

This is breaking my heart. He worked so hard, and came so far. He will be sadly missed.

Who Am I???

2004-10-11T16:24:00.000-05:00

It is really nice when you get to a place in your life when you are comfortable just being you. I have spent all of my twenty six years either trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be, or trying desperatly to be the exact opposite of who everyone has wanted me to be. It is to damn hard to do that.

For the longest time, I had no choice. I won't bore you with my childhood stories, because sometimes when I talk about it, I feel like I am asking for people to feel sorry for me. Don't like that. Long story short, yes, I had a bad childhood, and yes, I am still to this day trying trying to overcome the effects it had on me.

Moving on...I wasn't allowed to have a voice when I was young. I wasn't allowed to just be a child, or even a girl. I wasn't allowed to dress up, or have an imagination,or play with friends. My sister was the only friend I had. I was spending my life being who my stepfather wanted me to be, which was anyone but myself.

Then my teenage years were spent trying to be the exact opposite of who everyone expected or wanted me to be. I rebelled...alot. I did drugs, and drank, and ran away. And I had a baby...at the tender age of 16. So then I was a mommy. I did everything I could to be the best mom I could be. And because I was 16, and grew up with the "role models" that I did, I pretty much was clueless. I had to teach myself. It was touch and go.

Now, I am 26, have four wonderful children who sometimes make me want to tear my hair out, and a husband who has completely changed my life. Sappy, I know. But, nonetheless, true. He has really made me feel comfortable with life, and has made me want to find out who I am. Because it is sad, but I know nothing about ME. What I like, don't like, what I want out of life. It is all a blank to me. But, I have recently realized, I need, for myself, to find all of this out. I want to do this so I can be a better mother, wife, and friend. I have come a long way, but I still have a hell of a long way to go.

But, now, I have someone to travel with....

Good Day

2004-10-10T02:01:00.000-05:00

Today was a pretty good day. Mark was off today, the kids were all home, and we made alot of progress (for us anyway) on some projects we had. We switched the kids rooms (again). And today we stripped some more of the hideous (seriously, think late 60's early 70's) wallpaper in the master bedroom.

And we just spent alot of time together, and that is something we don't get alot of time to do, so it was really nice. I enjoyed it anyway.

But, it seems like our seven year old daughter is catching whatever I had. I am actually feeling alot better now, but she started feeling bad this morning. She has it slightly worse, what with her throwing up and all. Seriously, she did something I have never seen before. She was standing in the living room, and all of a sudden she made *the throwing up noise*, you know what I'm talking about, right. Yuck. Well, she smacked her hand over her mouth and slowly walked to the kitchen, STOPPED TO TURN ON THE FRIGGIN LIGHT, and then quietly went to the trash can and threw up. I have never seen such a thing in my life! Poor thing, I felt so sorry for her, but that was the best shit I have EVER seen in my life!!!!

So, Mark and I did something tonight that we hardly ever do. We sat down and watched a movie together. Together..
It was probably the best movie I have ever seen, and I totally want you to go out RIGHTNOW and watch it. "Cold Mountain" was a totally awesome movie, although it totally made me cry like a little baby. There is not a part of this movie that didn't move me, and although I am not a huge Renee Zellweger fan, she rocked in this movie. She was a badass, and I laughed over and over at her. You have got to watch this movie, seriously. Go on, and then come back and let me know what you thought about it.

Also, I saw a link for BlogExplosion today at BusyMom's Site. Signed up, and it looks pretty awesome. We will see how it works.

Thank you so much, Angie ,for your good wishes, I really appreciate it tons, hopefully soon I will get started! As of now I am still smoking, but I am setting a date of November 1. I have my finger's crossed that it will work this time. I better call my doc to get started on the patch, and some good nerve pills, I think!!!

Um,sorry Oprah

2004-10-07T01:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I just realized that I am like waaaay to late to register to vote. And I am osopissed. Where have I been? I watched the debate (ugh) and I even watched Oprah when she had Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore and P Diddy or whatever in the heck his name is on. The shame! The remorse that I feel!!! Even friggen Christina Aguilera is going to vote!!!! What the hell is WRONG with me. Where have I BEEN!!!!!

In other news...this is like crack for insomniacs. I need a life.

Put me out of my misery..

2004-10-07T00:07:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt like someone was stabbing you with a ice pick in the face? Have you ever had the feeling that someone set your head on fire every time you took a breath?
No? Well, then you are one lucky S.O.B, let me tell you that. For the last two days I have been so miserable that I just want to scream. Wait, I think that maybe I actually DID that...a few times. I am pretty sure that this weather that I proclaimed to love ohsomuch a few posts ago has caused a huge sinus infection. Where is Mother Nature when you want to punch her in the face a few thousand times, like, oh - I don't know, every time you breathe and your knees buckle from the sheer pain.

It doesn't help me any that I smoke over a pack of cigerettes a day, either. I so want to quit, but I won't lie...I don't have the willpower to do it. I hate the smell of it, the taste, everything. I don't smoke inside, so I hate having to go outside and freeze my ass off just so I can ruin my lungs just a little bit more. But, damn, at the same time, it is like my best friend. Get up in the morning...smoke. Eat...smoke...smoke some more. Talk on the phone...smoke...cough up a lung...oh why the hell not..smoke another. It is some stupid shit...I agree. But how in the world do people actually STOP!
But, I have great inspiration to stop. I know it can be done, and that it is far from easy, but it is definitly doable. How do I know this, you might ask. Cause Angie did it, that is how. And she is the most awesome chic in the world, and if she can do it, then by God, so can I. So there.
I will start tomorrow, but right now, I need a cigerette.

Happy Anniversary,Baby!

2004-10-05T18:18:00.000-05:00

One year ago today I married my best friend.
Those are words that I seriously never thought I would say. Never cared to even say the word marriage. But, now I cannot imagine doing it any different.

When I look back at the last four years, I see so many things I do not stop to look at very often. Alot of things I wish I had done differently. Some things I wish I had never done at all. But, then I think of all the good things...and it makes it all worth it. Every.last.minute...worth it.

Happy anniversary, Mark.
You have made such a difference in my life, in everything that I do. You are the most amazing man. The very best husband, and the absolute best father. You have made it alright for me to let my walls down, deal with the ghosts and the demons of the past. I am able to be myself, which is something I was always scared to do. When I am with you, I feel truly loved, which is something I have either never felt, or never allowed myself to feel. I am not alone anymore.

You have taught me that you have to take chances, and that it is ok to trust, because it won't always get you hurt. You have taught me that you really can laugh even when your sad, cry even when your happy, and most of all you have taught me to love with everything I have even when I am scared. I can never fully show you what that has meant to me, except to tell you that I feel so lucky to have found you, and cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

I know that sometimes I am really hard to live with, (yes, I said "sometimes"...hush!), and that I am always a hard ass, but this hard ass loves you more today than ever.

Thank you for being you. Anything less would be a disappointment.
With all my love,always
Jill

I love this weather..

2004-10-04T15:13:00.000-05:00

This time of year is probably my very favorite. Here in Ohio, it is cool outside, cool enough that you can put on a sweater and jeans, and if you have hard wood floors like we do, you MUST wear the socks. It is cold at night, and I had to bring my flowers in the other night.

We just bought a new (to us anyway, and hey, that is better than renting the teeny, tiny house we were renting!) house. We are first time homeowners, and we are lovin' it! The house is older, and needs TONS of work done to it. But, it is HOME. We love it here. I can go out on the porch, sit in the swing, and see all of the squirrels running around. I can watch our kids playing without worrying they are to close to the road, or whatever. It is a very quite neighborhood, a big ole house, and we all have our own rooms. And that is heaven to us, with four kids, all girls except for one (scary, huh?). Three bathrooms, one of which does.not.even. work, but, me and the man have our OWN bathroom!!!! Go, us!

But, anyway..Yeah, this is my favorite time of year. But, sometimes I cannot fully enjoy it the way I would like, cause then I remember what comes next......snow. I cannot even tell you how much I despise winter. I just cannot stand the thought of how cold it is, and all the.....um, snow.

Shit, I wish it was June again, who the hell was I kidding!!!!

The First

2004-10-03T14:22:00.002-05:00

So, this is my.very.first.post.
I have spent months, no years, reading other journals by some pretty amazing people, and in a way feel...how the hell will I ever be able to live up to them. Well, the truth is, maybe noone will ever read these words, so I am really only doing this for me, my sanity. I have been hit with....it. The bug. I.must.write. Which is not really something I ever thought I had to do, but.here I am. And I am pretty damn excited to do it.
I don't know the first thing about this, to tell you the truth. I do not know any html, period. I cannot make things all crazy cool and shit like all the others. But, I will learn. I will! And I may make everyone in this house crazy, cause I just cannot stand it when I don't know how to do something (yes, I am a woman!), but learn, I intend to do.

The bug first hit me when I came across an online journal about a year and a half ago. Boy, I was hooked! I went back to the very beginning of that journal, and I spent probably ten hours reading every.last.post. It was some good shit,letmetellyou. Now, I read probably 10 or 12 a day. And I have quite a few I just check in on every once in awhile. There are some really damn fine people out there, for sure.

So, here I am about to publish this journal for the first time. It has been a long time coming. Welcome to my journal, ya'll! Whoever started this...thanks for making this possible, it's da bomb!